One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
