i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
