i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
