My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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