haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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