I'm pants shitting drunk right now
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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