dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
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Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
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nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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