I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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