drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
