at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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