Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
