Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
