the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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