Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
