Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
this will be a night to untag.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
