So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
