i think my tv is drunk
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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