Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
