It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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