I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
