Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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