pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
