it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
