dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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