capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
