my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
bring money and cleavage
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
