I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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