I think I died a long time ago.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
