names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
