A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am puke
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
