so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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