Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
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he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.