your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!