carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
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Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn