Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.