So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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