I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
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You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk