What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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