i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get