Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt

(1-859): View more from Kentucky

And?

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(770): View more from Georgia

Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(516): View more from New York

i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.

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(586): View more from Michigan

She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.

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(303): View more from Colorado

There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get

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