did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.