Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
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Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.