he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
