the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
