The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.