Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?