Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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