Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
where does the pee come out of this thing
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
