if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
