How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's get the cat blown out
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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