I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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