I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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