why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
