Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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