Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You took a bar mat shot.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Congratulations! We have a period
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
