when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
