I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
