They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
