He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
