I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
