all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
