Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
