A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
