So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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