so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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