If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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