we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
