Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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