New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
