I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
