Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
