He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
