I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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