im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you traded sex for a burrito?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
