i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What a dumb baby whore.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
