remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You made out with two different species that night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
