i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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