I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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