I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
