I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
