The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
