I faked an abortion last night.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Alive.
So much puke
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
