it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's blow job season.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
