dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
