She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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