i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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