first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
