Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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