Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
