I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
