if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
